Photo courtesy of Jensen Ackles World

Trysts
By Valjean *************************************

Photo courtesy of Senga

A flash of lightening streaked across the midnight sky followed shortly by a mean clap of thunder. Alec, restless as the storm, pushed blankets away and sat up on the edge of the rickety double bed, putting his feet on the dirty wooden floor, the bare skin of his broad muscular back glowing faintly white in the darkness. Raking fingers through already sex-tangled hair, he bowed his head and sighed, the pounding rain not quite masking the sound of his frustration.

"You can stay if you want," Max said from behind him, the words tentative enough to almost be insulting, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to make the offer or not. Although, ironically, it was an improvement of sorts. Most nights she ordered him to leave right after they were done. No cuddling, no pillow talk, just wham, bam, thank you sir.

"It's not like anyone's going to know," she added. "And besides," she gestured to the window, "the weather's awful." Her knees came to her chest and she hugged them, pulling the covers more tightly around herself, shivering slightly in the cold dampness of the gutted, makeshift apartment the two of them had been using these past few weeks for their secret trysts -- trysts that had begun as a way to alleviate her heat passions but then had continued, out of control, for God only knew why.

Trysts. Alec smiled to himself as the word passed through his mind, the romantic term not exactly what he'd label their clandestine nights of wild erotic sex. Even "affair" seemed too sanitary. He was, after all, shagging a girl who belonged totally, heart and soul, to another man -- a man he considered a very good friend ... a man who trusted him, believed in him, stood up for him when even Max had her doubts ... a man who'd saved his life.

Another weary sigh. He needed to leave. Staying the night in her arms would just make things more difficult ... hurt more in the morning when they had to go back to being "just friends," putting on their little show for the others in Terminal City ... for Logan ...

"Alec." Max said his name sharply, an impatient edge to her voice. No sympathy there. She didn't understand.

He felt her cool hand touch his bare shoulder and instinctively shrugged it off.

"What's wrong?"

He knew damn well what was wrong.

"I'm done, Max," he said, his voice deep and husky, the words hanging in the sex permeated air of the tiny room. "We're through. I can't do this any more." He heard her stir behind him, but didn't turn around ... didn't want to see her beautiful naked body ... the body that really belonged to another man.

"What are you talking about?" she said, the irritation still present, as if he was somehow annoying her. His silence must have finally gotten to her though, because she added more gently, "It's all right, Alec. Doing it with you keeps Logan safe from me. You're really helping him. You don't have to feel guilty."

The absurdity of Max's rationalization suddenly struck Alec as incredibly cruel. Three weeks ago, when all of this had started ... when he'd been blinded by the scent of her heated pheromones and sexually aroused beyond sanity ... he'd bought the logic, let himself be talked into this arrangement. But now his hands were shaking and his guts were on fire with guilt.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Time to go.

"Alec!" Max said as he started to stand. "Please. Stay. I ... I don't want to be alone tonight. Tomorrow I've got to make a decision, tell the military whether we're going to surrender or not."

"We won't surrender," Alec said evenly. "You know that."

"And then we'll be at war ... and people are going to die."

He finally looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "And you really want to spend what could be your last night on earth with me? Why?"

"I ... I just don't want to be alone," Max said. "And Logan--"

"--can't touch you," Alec finished for her. "He can't hold you. He can't fuck you. And so you found yourself a substitute. Me. That's all I am to you, Max -- a fucking substitute."

"Why are you suddenly so angry, Alec?" Max implored, clutching the blankets even closer, as if shielding herself from his emotions.

He wondered if he should tell her the truth now, not that it would do any good. But part of him wanted to hurt her the way she was hurting him.

"Because I love you."

Her brown eyes blazed in the dark. "Not fair!" she declared hotly. "We agreed when this started. No one says that. We're friends, Alec ... family even. And we sometimes have sex with each other because we both need it, and neither one of us has anyone else at the moment. It's convenient. And ... we're good together. You're good. But we agreed to not go there. Weren't you the one who said it was a cheap ploy?

"It's not a ploy," Alec said levelly, touching her hand in spite of his resolve, seeking a connection. "I love you, Max. Now, what are you gonna do about it?"

She really looked at him then, her eyes raking his body, remembering the pleasure, taking in his hard beauty. At last, her gaze settled on his face, as if seeking his soul. "I love Logan. You know that."

Alec swallowed hard. Well, he'd set himself up for that one.

"Then go to Logan," he said quietly, standing and reaching for his Levis.

"You know I can't. Not for this." She indicated the bed and its damp fluid stained sheets.

"Then find somebody else to be your whore!" Alec yelled, losing patience at last. Angry hazel-green eyes blazed at his sex partner. "Because the only thing that would make this betrayal, this sex surrogate shit, worth it is if you loved me too! And, you don't! You're too hung up on the Mr. Perfect Eyes Only, your precious Logan Cale. Don't get me wrong, Max. The guy's all right. Hell, he's a hero in his own way. I also know what I owe him." He looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. "But bonkin' the love of Logan's life behind his back isn't exactly the honorable way to repay the man. Hell, it's despicable! I'm despicable! And I feel dirty every time I so much as catch a glimpse of him!"

"I feel guilty, too," Max said quietly, apparently knowing better than to argue ... fuel his fire. She'd learned a long time ago that her "Smart Alec" wasn't always the laid-back brother he appeared on the surface to be .. that he had his own hot passions and demons to deal with ... demons she'd be wise to leave alone.

"Then quit sleepin' around on your man," Alec said, controlling his voice with difficulty as he pulled on his jeans. He shrugged into a blue t-shirt and began tugging on his shoes. But then a thought occurred and he paused, a wry grin tugging the corners of his mouth. "You know," he said, his voice quiet again, "if our roles were reversed ... if it was me you were cheatin' on with Logan ... I'd kill the bastard without so much as blinkin' an eye."

"I know you would," Max replied, a hint of sadness in her voice. There was a long moment of horrible silence. Then-- "And that's why I love Logan and not you."

Alec closed his eyes, feeling the knife sinking into his heart. Swallowing the hot tears that were scalding the back of his throat, he snatched up his jacket and half ran to the door, not looking back.

But he paused on the threshold, unwilling ... unable to burn the bridge behind him. "I love you, Max," he said firmly into the air. "I always will."

And then he really did run, out of her bedroom, out of the building, and into the storm.

THE END

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