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This is a true standalone story. It does NOT exist in "The Best Laid Plans" universe. I know this scenario has been done many times before, but I just felt like taking a stab at it too. Obviously, this takes place after "Freak Nation." -- author's note

He kissed her.

Without a thought ... without regard for consequences ... he just lowered his head, closing the small space between them, and touched his lips to hers. It was an action as natural to him as breathing, an instinct, an impulse he'd been fighting for the past year. Somehow, with their bodies pressed so tightly together in the cramped space and White's men closing in, it was the the right thing to do. Afterall, they both might very well die in the next few minutes. What did he have to lose?

And she kissed him back, her lips parting and her tongue touching his.

Forever. It felt like that kiss lasted forever. He was completely lost in her, his mind reeling, his body shaking as he took her in his arms and devoured her mouth with his. And even when they parted, breathless, he kept on, planting tiny little kisses along her jaw and throat, caressing her with his hands. When he dared to look at her he saw that her eyes were closed, her head thrown back, her pulse pounding beneath his fingertips.

She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"Max," he whispered hoarsely, the word a plea.

Her eyes flew open. "Alec."

The moment shattered.

Her hands were on his chest, pushing him away, her expression one of confusion and fear that had nothing to do with Familiars. "White's gone," she said, her voice trembling. "We have to get out of here."

*****

"You have to tell her, Alec."

"Tell her what?" Alec said flippantly as he tossed clothes into a backpack. He stopped and regarded his friend. "Tell her I'm leaving?"

"Tell her that you love her."

"I don't love her."

"Alec," Joshua said, shaking his head sadly. "Don't outsmart yourself. You've always loved Max. She needs to know."

If I loved someone I'd tell her. His own words haunted him.

"Fuck," he said softly, and threw the socks he was holding down on the bed.

"Alec, you can't run away. Max needs you. We all need you."

"Max has Logan." And there it was, Alec realized. The real reason he was feeling so much like a rat caught in some kind of fiendish trap. He looked up at Joshua. "She loves him, not me. I've messed her life up enough already. I'm not gonna ruin anything else for her. I'm not gonna get in the way ... confuse her."

"The virus bitch was cured weeks ago, Alec," Joshua said. "But she still looks at you. Maybe you don't realize it. She hides her feelings so much. But when she thinks you won't see, she looks at you."

"Looks at me, huh? You mean her 'What did he do now?' expression? Or, my favorite, that 'My God, how could he be more disgusting?' rolling of the eyes."

"Max doesn't think you're disgusting. She trusts you, Alec. She trusts you with her life."

"And I trust her with my life too," he said quietly. Jaw clenched, he stood there holding a t-shirt in his hands, just staring at it. Then he blinked once and raised his eyes to Joshua. "But I don't trust her with my heart."

Joshua nodded knowingly.

"What?"

"Alec's afraid," he said. "You're afraid of the pain if you tell Max you love her and something goes wrong."

"Damn right I'm afraid of the pain," Alec said bitterly, giving up on the packing and turning around to sit on the edge of the bed. "It's the worst pain in the world, losin' someone you love. Nothin' Manticore ever did to me came close to--" He stopped. He was talking too much. Joshua didn't need to know about Rachel.

A big hand touched his shoulder, resting lightly there. "I know, Alec," Joshua said. "I lost Annie. I know you lost someone too. But you can't let that make you afraid to love again."

That kiss ... Alec closed his eyes. He could still feel the sensation ... her lips on his ... her hands on him ...

"She hasn't spoken to me in two days," he said in a low voice. "She's avoiding me."

"Then you have to go to her. She's as confused as you are. You have to find out why she looks at you."

"And why she kissed me back ..."

Joshua's blue eyes widened.

Yeah," Alec said softly. He looked up at his friend. "I guess maybe I do."

*****

"What do you want?" Max said, a huge scowl on her face as she opened the door of her quarters.

Not the best of beginnings, Alec thought. Maybe he should go back to his packing. But then he took a deep breath. If I loved someone I'd tell her.

"We need to talk, Max."

Now she just looked scared.

"About what? Is there a problem with the supplies?"

"About the other night."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Alec looked behind her into the room. "Is Logan here?"

"No. Why?"

"I just thought he might be, now that the virus is cured and all."

"How many times do I have to tell you that me and Logan are none of your business?"

"I know--" Alec caught himself. Swallowing hard, he stepped off the cliff. "You're wrong. You and Logan are my business."

"What are you talking about?"

"I told you. The other night? What happened between us?"

"Didn't happen," Max said, and she started to close the door.

Alec grabbed her wrist. Eyes flashing, she tried to jerk away, but he clamped down with his fingers hard enough to bruise and didn't let go.

"Max!" he said. "Look at me!"

Reluctantly, with danger written all over her face, she did, raising stormy brown eyes to his. "Let ... me ... go."

Instead he pushed her backwards, forcing his way into her room. Then he slammed the door behind them.

"What the hell are you doing?" she shouted at him. "I'm gonna kick your ass in about a minute!"

"You can try and kick my ass all you want, Max, but I'm not leavin' until we get this straight between us."

"Get what straight?" She tried to pull away again, but he still didn't let go. Truth was, he was afraid to. Talk about having a tiger by the tail ...

"Do you love Logan?"

"None of your business."

"Answer me."

"Yes."

And there was the pain he'd been waiting for, that piercing feeling in his chest. But at least she'd set him free.

"All right," he said. He let go of her wrist and turned around. But he paused with his hand on the door knob. "Max," he said, his voice low and husky.

"What?"

"Stay away from me." He looked at her over his shoulder. "I don't wanna play this game anymore." But then he saw the tears in her eyes and suddenly he couldn't breathe.

"Alec?" Her voice sounded like a little girl's.

Go, you fool! Run now! Get away from her!

"I don't know if I love him or not."

Oh God.

She put her hand on his bare arm. Her touch burned him like fire, the energy between them that intense. "I don't want it to be like this," she said. "I don't want you to be angry with me ... afraid of me."

Alec turned around to face her. "Well, what did you expect, Max? I mean, I've had girls send mixed signals before but what you're hittin' me with is like bein' cooked in a microwave."

She walked over, sat down on the edge of her bed, and buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what I feel any more," she said tiredly. "I used to think everything would be so clear once the virus was gone, that Logan and I would be wonderful ... a couple ..."

Alec's eyebrows drew together as he stood there just looking down at her ... waiting.

She glanced up, and saw the emotions playing behind his green eyes, a window to his soul that was so rarely open. She moistened her lips with her tongue. "We're not wonderful," she whispered. "We're ..." She spread her hands, then looked at him again, willing him to understand. "Lacking."

"Lacking what?" Alec said, surprised at her choice of words as his mind immediately jumped to conclusions.

She smiled a little, knowing full well what he was thinking. "Get your mind out of the gutter," she said. "I mean there's something missing emotionally between us."

"Like passion?" Alec said, taking a guess, or maybe not a guess. He could practically feel what Max was feeling right now, more in tune with her than he'd ever been before.

"Alec," she said. "I experience things when I'm with you that I don't experience with Logan ... things I want more of."

"Not sex I presume, since we sure as hell haven't had any that I can recall. I mean that kiss was nice but--"

Max reached up and put her fingers on his lips, shushing him. "It's always about sex with you, isn't it?"

"Not always," Alec said defensively, taking hold of the hand that had stopped his ramble. "Only ninety-five percent of the time."

"Well, I'm talking about the other five percent."

"So, that kiss wasn't about sex for you at all?"

"Of course it was. And if it was just my wanting to get in your pants I wouldn't be so confused." She was looking at him again in that way that frightened him. "Alec, I know we'd be good together. Hell, I've known it from the second I set eyes on you back at Manticore. You're one of their physically perfect alpha males ... a stud. I've known all along that all I had to do was give the word and you'd be in my bed."

Alec felt just a little bit offended. "So, you're sayin' I'm easy?" He was still holding her hand.

"Extremely."

"Gee, thanks. I feel so special now. But what does this have to do with you maybe not lovin' Logan? Unless you're leadin' up to tellin' me they don't make exoskeletons that small."

He'd meant for her to laugh, and he was truly horrified when suddenly her smile crumpled and she began to cry. Sitting down on the bed next to her he put his arm around her shoulders. "Max, what is it? I'm sorry. What did I say?"

"I've never slept with him," she said, sniffing, resting her head against his chest.

"You mean even since the virus was cured you two haven't ...?"

"No."

"For God's sakes why?" The revelation actually boggled his mind.

"I don't know!" Max practically wailed. "I tell him I don't want to rush into things, and he's been so understanding, but the truth is ..."

"What truth?"

"I keep thinking about you, damn it!"

Alec closed his eyes, his entire world suddenly validated. It hadn't been just wishful thinking, or Joshua's imagination. And that kiss ... it had been something real.

"I don't mean just sex," she whispered.

"I know."

"I don't want to get involved with you that way -- one night stands with no strings attached, just one more girl you've slept with."

"You want strings?" Alec wasn't sure about that. He'd never really gotten past one night of making love to Max even in his wildest dreams.

If I loved someone I'd tell her.

"Max," Alec said, swallowing hard. "You want strings? I'll give you strings, enough to hang us both." He took a deep breath. "I love you."

She didn't look at him, just mumbled into his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I didn't want people to think I was stealin' you away from Logan ... didn't want you to think that's what I was tryin' to do ... didn't wanna mess up your life ... your relationship ... 'least not anymore than I already had." He was rambling again.

"Shut up," she said, and put her arms around him. "If I said I loved you too would that square things between us?"

"I think so," Alec murmured. A sly smile. "But there's really only one way to find out." And then he kissed her again.

If I loved someone I'd tell her. And I'd damn well show her too.

And when he woke up the next morning in Max's bed, his naked body still entwined with hers and the memory of their lovemaking throbbing in his soul, Alec's very first, sleepy, happy thought was that he was going to treat a certain wise someone to all the ham hocks he could eat.

THE END