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This is a stand-alone story, a scene following the events of Max Allan Collins' DARK ANGEL novel SKIN GAME. -- author's note

Photos courtesy of DATV.com

*****

It had been weeks since he'd had sex. Asha was beautiful, safe, and willing. So why was he standing here memorizing the titles of the books on her shelves instead of undressing her?

"You want a drink?" Asha asked from where she was seated on the couch.

Alec turned around, taking in the rest of the small studio apartment -- the antique furnishings, the media center against the back wall, the kitchenette in the corner ... There was a container of herbal tea bags, a bowl of fresh fruit, and a bottle of multivitamins on the counter. The Pop Tarts box next to the toaster was reassuring. At least Asha wasn't a total health nut. He supposed the door to his left led to a bedroom ... something he imagined he'd soon be finding out.

"Coffee maybe?" Alec said. It was well after midnight, and he knew better than to drink alcohol too close to morning when he had to take his Tryptophan. Mixing liquor and his meds slowed him down, and the last thing he needed was to be off his game tomorrow if he was going to be Asha's back-up for her meeting.

"Don't have any. Sorry. Ran out two days ago and haven't been able to get fresh." She patted the couch beside her, then peeled off her sweater. "Would you like tea?"

"No thanks," he said. He cleared his throat.

The halter top she was wearing underneath concealed very little, and Alec felt a tightening in his jeans. If he wanted this ... her ... it could be very easy -- a nice night spent bedding a beautiful woman. Hey, I deserve a break, don't I? A reward? After all I've gone through lately?

"It's all right, Alec," Asha said softly, shyly. "I promise. I won't fall asleep on you this time." She was blushing yet again. "I've always kind of wondered what I missed that night." Her eyes slowly traveled over his body, and now it was Alec's turn to blush when he realized where she was looking. "Come here," she whispered, holding out her arms to him.

The invitation had been issued. Now, it was up to him to accept or refuse.

He sank into her arms and kissed her the way he'd kissed so many women before -- deeply, expertly ... mechanically. And, just like all those other times, Alec waited for a certain feeling to happen, a feeling he'd experienced only once before in his short life. And, just like all those other times -- it simply wasn't there.

However, his body was responding to a different kind of "feeling."

Asha's small cool hand was working its way beneath the waistband of his jeans in back. He wasn't wearing any underwear (laundry being a bit of a problem in TC), and the feel of her exploring fingers caressing his naked ass was incredibly arousing. He deepened the kiss, and his own hand slipped beneath her halter top, finding a breast, a firm nipple. Love and lust were, afterall, two very different things, the lack of the first not precluding the second.

"I want you," Asha said throatily in his ear. "God, I've wanted you for so long, Alec. I've been worried about you in there. Worried that you might get hurt or killed."

Alec closed his eyes, and for one of the few times in his life really, really thought about what he was doing.

"What's wrong?" Asha asked, her fingers moving around to the front of his pants now. But there was a desperation to her foreplay, as if she thought that grabbing hold of his cock somehow meant she could keep him.

Alec caught her wrist in his hand, stopping her before she touched him there.

"Alec?"

"Asha," he said, tilting her chin up with his thumb, and forcing her to look into his eyes. "I don't love you. I can never love you."

"I don't want you to love me, Alec," she said, her voice trembling. "This is just fun. Two people ... two friends ... enjoying each other."

Liar.

Alec blinked his eyes, surprised to feel tears and wondering where on earth they'd come from. Then he smiled bitterly because he knew what he had to say. "You know what would happen if I got you pregnant, Asha? What your DNA mixed with mine would make?"

"Whoa!" Asha said, finally backing away, and looking at him like he was perhaps slightly crazy. "I'm not about to do this without protection you know," she said, laughing nervously. "I'm on birth control pills. Want to see my prescription? So, if that's all that's stopping you--"

"I'm talking about the big picture here, Asha -- the long run. Lady, I'm a human-animal hybrid, a biosynthetic, part cat. Hell, a chimpanzee is probably a closer DNA match to you than I am. Our kids would most likely be deformed ... mentally retarded at best. It's a documented fact X5's and humans don't breed well together."

"Alec, I wasn't planning on having your kid."

"We could never have a life together ... a future."

"Wasn't looking for one," she lied as she straightened her halter top.

"Do you have any idea how many people I've killed, little girl?" Alec said softly, playing the "assassin" card.

"Alec, you're scaring me."

Good. I mean to. Out loud he said, "This was a mistake. Me coming here. I'm sorry I let it go this far."

"Don't give me any of that bull shit again, Alec!" Asha said, her voice suddenly dropping a few degrees. "This isn't about your genetics or your sad childhood or how many people you've murdered! I respect that you might not want to have sex with me. That's your right. But what I don't like is that you refuse to admit the real reason!"

"Which is?" he asked, his voice colder than hers.

"Max."

Alec opened his mouth to protest, but her words were ruthless, running over him like a steam roller. "In your fantasies you're married to Max!" Asha spat. "And because of her you can't let go and love any other woman."

"You said this wasn't about love," Alec sneered, wanting to deny what Asha had just said, but for some reason not doing so. "I came here to have sex with you, Asha -- not give you a ring."

"And you can't even do that, can you?" Asha said sadly, shaking her head. "She's got you as castrated as Logan.

"You're wrong," he said darkly.

"Prove it then! Fuck me! Here! Now! On the floor if you want, or the kitchen counter, but just fuck me and forget about her while you're doing it! I dare you!" And with those vicious words, Asha reached back, unfastened her halter top, and tossed the garment aside.

The hard-on in his jeans was acutely painful. Alec swallowed with difficulty and took a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt you, Asha."

"Hurt me! I don't care! Get your pants off, Alec! Fuck my brains out! You know you want to!" Asha was panting, her small perfect breasts rising and falling one of the most erotic sites Alec had ever seen.

Asha would be a good substitute, just like all those others had been. He could show her things tonight ... do things with her, some of which he wasn't sure he could even spell. And afterwards, when he woke up in the morning with her, the wrong one, in bed beside him, maybe in love with him ...

No. He wouldn't do that to Asha ... wouldn't do that to himself.

"I'll meet you behind Sector Police headquarters in the morning at eight," he said tightly, picking up his jacket and turning his back on the temptation of her naked beauty.

"Alec!" she called after him. "You idiot! She'll only break your heart and get you killed!"

But he'd already closed the door.

*****

Asha sat on the couch for a long time after Alec left, holding her halter top crushed in her fists, staring at the carpet. She'd handled that badly, thinking she could lure him into a relationship with sex ... thinking that was all he really wanted.

She sighed, and looked at the time. It was way past midnight now, morning approaching. Damn it, though ... I really like him. Hell, I even worry about him. I was trying to give him a way out -- a way to get free of that bitch. Someone else to love ... someone who could love him back. And now he thinks I'm nothing but a slut.

Which is when Asha Barlow finally dropped her face into her hands and began to cry.

*****

"Who said you could use my spot?" Max snapped as she sauntered down the sloping roof of the Space Needle, and dropped easily into a cross-legged sitting position beside Alec.

A wry grin met her question -- a grin Max was secretly very glad to see. Sometimes she wondered if that smirk had been deliberately mixed into 494's DNA, along with all that charisma, and those big hazel-green eyes. Yeah, a smile that charming had to be genetic ...

"Didn't know you had exclusive rights, Max," he said, glancing up at the stars. "It is a public place."

"You look like shit," she commented in return, taking in his five o'clock shadow, disheveled hair, and clothes that she vaguely remembered he'd been wearing two days before.

"And you climbed all the way up here to compliment me? How thoughtful."

"Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy," she teased. "Maybe I just wanted to see the sun come up."

Alec remained silent, refusing to be baited, waiting patiently in that Manticore soldier way of his.

"Asha called Logan a little while ago," Max said, giving in and getting to the point. "Blondie wants someone else for backup. Complains she's not 'comfortable' with you." Eyebrows raised, she waited for an explanation from her fellow X5.

Alec shrugged deeper into his leather jacket, like he did when he was trying to cover his bar code -- or his emotions.

"What'd you do?" Max prodded gently. "Make a pass at her, and get your ass kicked in return? Logan's kinda pissed."

"Pissed at me?" Alec asked, his gaze now on the faintly glowing horizon.

"Actually, at Asha. He offered her the best as backup and she's throwing it in our faces."

"Asha wanted me to be more than backup," Alec said, his words faintly bitter.

Again Max's eyebrows crept up. "And you turned her down? Are you all right? And don't give me any of that 'I'm always all right' crap."

Alec finally looked at her, the wry grin back. "Actually, I'm a couple of county lines over from all right, Max. But you find that so hard to believe? That I could be picky about who I have sex with? Figures."

Max shrugged. "Asha's beautiful. You know her fairly well ... trust her. What's not to like? Now don't tell me she's not your type."

"Actually," Alec said with a big sigh. "She's not, my type that is. I don't wanna get involved with an ordinary, Max. One night stands are one thing, but Asha ... she was sniffin' around for more. I left while I still had the chance -- before things got complicated."

Max whistled low under her breath. "So you dumped Blondie again? No wonder she's ticked off at you." She eyed her best friend. "How far did you let it go?"

"What is this, high school?" Alec snorted. "You want details about my love life now?"

"Come on. Tell. First base?"

Alec laughed out loud, the conversation he was having with Max almost surreal. "Yeah, Max. First base. She's got great boobs. Then I walked out the door. You satisfied? Or do you want me to demonstrate how I kissed her?"

And then, all of a sudden, Alec wasn't laughing any more -- and neither was Max. Looking deeply into each other's eyes, they sat very still, just breathing, as the first rays of daylight began to pierce the eastern sky. It was Alec who moved first, tilting his head, closing his eyes as he leaned forward to initiate the kiss that was hanging in the air between them.

But instead of sweet lips touching his, a pair of hard hands hit his chest.

Alec's eyes flew open.

"Don't," Max whispered. "Please ... don't. I can't go there, Alec. I'm in love with another man. You know that. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, tasting something we know we can't really have."

"Max ... I ..."

Her fingers against his mouth were a warning. Don't. Don't go there.

"I don't want Asha," he said quietly, turning his face away, changing the subject, moving beyond the dangerous moment even though his whole body was humming. "I'm not in love with her, and I don't think I ever could be. I also don't want her to get killed because of what I am."

"Then you were right to leave when you did," Max said, validating his actions. "She's your friend and you want to protect her."

Alec turned around to look at her again. "Max, you know, don't you, that compared to what I feel for you, my friendship with Asha means nothing."

"I know. We're family, Alec -- you and me. I feel the same way about you, believe it or not. When White almost ate you alive at County General ..."

Now it was Alec's turn to put his fingers to her lips. "Shhh," he said. "I'm fine."

"You almost died. Alec, if I'd lost you--" She didn't complete the sentence ... didn't have to.

And suddenly, it wasn't about Asha any more.

"Max ..." Alec leaned in again, put his hands on her shoulders, wanting to kiss her so badly it was physically painful.

"Alec, stop!"

And of course he did ... he obeyed, and hung his head in shame.

Max's fingers under his chin lifted his face so she could look him straight in the eye.

"Am I just imagining things, Max?" he asked, his voice so plaintive it made her heart ache.

She took a deep breath. "No," she said softly. "If I wasn't in love with Logan, it would be you." She held up a hand to silence him before he could speak. "I know that's cruel to say. But it's true. I think, in a way, that's one reason I've always been such a bitch to you, twin issues aside. From the moment we first met, Alec, there's been this sexual tension between us. I felt it then ... I feel it now. It's like we're two magnets being drawn together."

"But you love Logan and not me," Alec said quietly.

"I love you both," Max whispered. "But I loved Logan first ... and truth be told, I love him more." Her eyes were filling with tears. The last thing in the world she wanted to do was to hurt this beautiful young man. And then her arms were around him, drawing his head down onto her breast, her warm fingers caressing the bar code on the back of his neck as Alec ... 494 ... sobbed for what he couldn't have.

THE END