ARCHIVE: No

This is a stand-alone story, a scene following the events of Max Allan Collins' DARK ANGEL novel SKIN GAME. Enjoy a video with a similar theme, "Lean on Me," at Jensen Ackles World. -- author's note

Photo courtesy of Jensen Ackles World

The soft rumbling voice intruded on his slumber, pulling him gently out of the arms of someone who loved him in his dreams, forcing him back into the cold cruel reality that was his life. Opening his eyes with great reluctance, blinking the bleariness away, Alec's cat-vision focused in the dark. The tone of the intruder was apologetic, not urgent. There wasn't an emergency. So why was he being bothered?

"Joshua?" Alec mumbled, squinting at the Big Fella's unmistakable silhouette filling the doorway. "What's goin' on?" He coughed deeply and rolled over on his side, taking the pillow with him.

"No one could find you," Joshua said. "Max thought you'd gone out."

Alec closed his eyes again on that, sighing at the irony. Even after all this time, Max was still quick to think the worst of him -- assume he was once again disobeying orders and violating Terminal City's most recent lockdown, when in reality he'd holed up in Joshua's quarters because he didn't feel very well.

Joshua sniffed the air, picking up Alec's scent, the odor of sweat and something else. His blue eyes crinkled with worry. "Alec? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Big Fella," Alec said huskily as he started to untangle himself from the tattered blanket and one of Joshua's oversized flannel shirts he'd drawn around his shivering body earlier. "Just takin' a little cat nap." He sat up all the way -- and immediately wished he hadn't. His head was spinning, the room swirling around him in a wild dance of vertigo. Involuntarily, his hand went to his temple and he bit down on his lower lip.

Damn.

"Alec, you're shivering," Joshua observed, advancing into the tiny room that usually served as his private sleeping place, closing the door behind him. "You're sick?"

"Not really," Alec mumbled, lowering himself on one elbow and pulling the blanket up over his bare shoulders with a shaking hand. "Is it cold in here?"

"No," Joshua said, dropping to his knees beside the makeshift bed, an old mattress on the floor that had seen way too much wear and tear. He'd been sharing these quarters with Alec ever since the Terminal City siege had begun, letting the X5 sleep here when he needed down time. "Alec, what's wrong?"

Alec buried his face in the stained pillow and closed his eyes again. Maybe Joshua would just go away and he wouldn't have to explain.

"Do you need a medic?"

"A medic can't do anything to help me, Josh," Alec said, his jaw clenching as a spasm raced through his limbs. "I'll be all right tomorrow. Good as new."

"Tomorrow?" Joshua didn't understand. And then suddenly his childlike eyes widened in understanding. "Tryptophan. Tomorrow Logan's supplier gets him more Tryptophan."

"Exactly," Alec said, wrapping his arms around the pillow in an attempt to still the seizure. He was sweating, even though his teeth were chattering with cold. All he felt like doing was going back to sleep, returning to that dream he'd been having.

"I'll go get Max," Joshua suddenly said. "She might have some Tryptophan for you."

"No!" Alec said, turning over and staring up at his big friend. "Don't bother Max. She's low on her pills too. We all are. That's why we've been rationing this past week. I ran out day before yesterday. I thought I'd make it until tomorrow, but I didn't. But I'll be fine as soon as Logan gets the stuff." He saw the deep worry in Joshua's eyes and managed a reassuring smile. "Like I said, good as new."

Joshua sniffed loudly, and to Alec's dismay he realized there were tears in the dogman's eyes.

"Hey," he said, his own discomfort momentarily forgotten as he realized, with some shock, that his friend was genuinely worried about him. "It's okay, Josh. You know me. I'm always all right."

"Marty died," Joshua said, his voice a low mumble.

Joshua's simple statement sent a thrill of fear racing down Alec's spine that had nothing to do with his current questionable neurological status. "What? How?" he asked, taking a deep breath to try and still the trembling of his limbs.

Marty was an X5 who'd been living in Terminal City ever since Manticore went down. He'd been surviving by making occasional forays outside to pick pockets, shoplift, and scrounge from dumpsters. Not exactly the noble life a high born X5 should have been leading, in Alec's opinion. But hey, they weren't all created with his own inborn ability to adapt. Those X5's not trained for solo work had been extremely dependent on their handlers back at Manticore, and truly didn't know how to manage on their own in the real world.

"Seizures."

Alec swallowed hard. It was a word all X5's, including himself, dreaded. "Let me guess." he said. "Max is blamin' herself, right? She figures it's somehow her fault that we ran too low on Tryptophan."

Joshua nodded his shaggy head, then raised sad eyes. "Alec, if Max knew you were--"

"No!" Alec said loudly, then winced as the sound of his own voice made his head throb with pain (the migraine that always accompanied these bouts was beginning). "Tell her I sneaked out! Hell, tell her I ran away! But don't you dare tell her I'm havin' trouble with this shit!" He softened his tone. "Max doesn't need anything else to worry about right now."

"Alec, she's mad at you," Joshua said, reaching out a big hand to gently push his friend back down on the bed. "She thinks you're on the outside." Tenderly, he brushed the hair back from Alec's damp forehead, a gesture the X5 found oddly comforting. It had been a long time since he'd been touched like that -- by someone who truly cared about him ... someone not angry at him or wanting sex. He wondered if this was how Max felt about her so-called "brothers and sisters," her fellow escapees, about Zack ... Was this what it was like to have family?

"Max is always mad at me," Alec said dryly, relaxing, letting himself sink into the pillow.

Joshua glanced around the room, and spotted a mug of milk on the floor beside the bed. Picking up the half-full cup, he sniffed the contents, then offered it to his friend. Alec let Joshua help him up so he could drink. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was ... how long it had been since he'd had any liquid. And the milk, even though on the verge of sour, would help. It's why he'd sneaked it out of the supply room before curling up in here. But damn, he was weak.

"Max likes you, Alec," Joshua said, setting the mug aside when it was empty, but remaining seated on the edge of the mattress. "She only pretends to be mad ... most of the time. It's the only way she knows how to be around you. She acts angry because she's afraid of how much you mean to her."

Alec's brow crinkled at that, his hazel-green eyes questioning. He didn't understand.

"She's afraid because of Logan."

Alec's head was spinning again, the pain intensifying. He thought he'd misunderstood Joshua. Surely, his friend couldn't mean-- "Max loves Logan," he said. "I've got nothin' to do with that." He almost smiled at a thought. "As if she'd ever even look my way. No, big guy, you're off base on that one. I know you've sniffed around this tree before, but Max can hardly stand for me to be near her most of the time, let alone--"

"Alec," Joshua said. "You're X5. You're her genetic mate, her breeding partner."

"By Manticore's mandate," Alec replied. "All the more reason for Max to hate everything about me. I was forced on her back there, Josh. Our relationship got off on the wrong foot."

Joshua looked down at Alec's blanket covered feet, obviously wondering which one was "wrong."

The X5's lips twitched in a small smile. "The first time Max and me met, it was a bad situation," he patiently rephrased. "Hell, let's not sugarcoat it. I was supposed to rape her. Orders. You know? Not the way to make a good first impression."

Joshua's eyes widened. "Oh," he mumbled. "But Alec didn't--?"

"Of course not," Alec snorted. "I'd never-- Besides, she kicked me across the cell before I could even be a gentleman about it."

"But you didn't--?"

"No! I've never touched her. Why would I want a woman who so obviously doesn't want me? There are plenty of fish in the sea, my friend."

Once again, Joshua had no idea what he was talking about. "Why would Alec want a fish?"

"There are lots of girls out there in the world," Alec said, once again explaining a human analogy to his puzzled big friend. "I'm not gonna waste time on one who wants nothing to do with me. I respect Max. Hell, I'll even admit I sometimes admire her, but she's also one really messed up chick, her and that 'We're not like that' (he mimicked Max's voice) bit with Logan. Sure, I could make a run at her if I wanted, but why would I want to put myself through that? The rejection? The pain? (He meant that in the literal sense, remembering that cage fight with Max and the two days he spent pissing blood afterwards.) No. Max and me -- she's a friend. But, in the long run, she really doesn't care all that much about me. Not like she cares about you and O.C. and Logan."

"You're wrong, Alec," Joshua said softly. "Max worries about you. That's why she gets angry with you. Yells. Shouts. Threatens your ass."

Alec felt like he was going to be sick, the milk not sitting well in his stomach. He knew he should close his eyes and go back to sleep, to ride out the rest of this seizure spell until Logan brought in more Tryptophan. But he also didn't really want Joshua to leave ... didn't want to be alone. Not that he was scared exactly, but--

He managed a chuckle in spite of the rising nausea. "Yeah, she does have an obsession with my ass, wantin' to kick it all the time."

"If Max didn't like you, Alec, why would she keep saving your ... ass?"

"Sometimes I ask myself that very question, Big Fella. It's not like her life wouldn't be a whole lot more pleasant if I wasn't around. She halfway blames me for that whole virus thing, not to mention how I sorta once tried to kill both of you guys. In fact, I've been thinkin' that as soon as things settle down a little bit I really ought to leave."

Joshua's face reflected his alarm. "Alec leave?" he almost whimpered. "You'd leave your friends ... your family?"

The tremors in his limbs were getting worse, and Joshua's interrogation wasn't helping any. And then suddenly--

Alec managed to make it to the other side of the mattress before vomiting on the floor. The big hand gently but firmly holding his shoulders while he retched was surprisingly comforting. Finally, when there wasn't anything left in his stomach to bring up except bile, Alec wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, swallowed the bitter taste, and panted, "What family? I was made in a lab. I don't have any family. I never will." At least his stomach felt better now, the queasiness gone, replaced by a dull ache of emptiness. He wondered if he'd be able to keep the Tryptophan down when it finally arrived, wondered how bad he'd get before tomorrow. Marty had died ...

Joshua's big hand was on his forehead again. "You're cold," the dogman said softly. "Too cold for an X5."

"Yeah, well I feel cold, too," Alec said through chattering teeth. He pulled the blanket and flannel shirt up over his bare shoulders.

"You need to rest?" Joshua asked.

"I need to sleep," Alec admitted. "It's about the only thing I can do right now." Then he had a sudden darkly humorous thought. "Let's just hope the Army doesn't decide to swing through Terminal City in the next day or so. With all of the X5's down with the shakes, we'd be at a real disadvantage."

"Max isn't down with the shakes," Joshua commented.

"Good," Alec said. "I'm glad at least one of us is all right." He meant that wholeheartedly, although he had to wonder why Max wasn't as affected as the rest of the X5's by the shortage of their vital medicine.

"Logan got her extra pills," Joshua said,ducking his head and glancing at Alec sideways, as if he was revealing a confidence -- which he undoubtedly was.

Alec's eyebrows rose. "Oh, really?"

"More coming tomorrow, though," Joshua quickly added. "Enough for everyone." He put a big hand on Alec's shoulder. "Enough for Alec. Max needs Alec. Alec can't leave."

"I'd like to hear that from her," Alec muttered under his breath.

Joshua jumped up at the words, and Alec looked at him in alarm. "She'll tell you!" the dogman declared. "I'll get Max to tell you how much she needs you! Just like Joshua needs you as his friend."

"Josh! Wait!" Alec yelled, realizing with something akin to horror what Joshua was about to do. "Don't tell Max I said--" But he was too late. Joshua was already out the door and gone.

Shit.

*****

"What's this?" a familiar sarcastic voice said from the doorway.

Alec groaned and buried his face in one outflung arm. He'd just managed to get back to sleep too. "Me off my meds," he said, not bothering to look at her. "You've seen it before. You know the routine. Nothin' to worry about. Now, go away."

"Uh-uh," Max said. "Not after the way you got Joshua all upset."

Here it comes, he thought to himself. Another round of "Let's blame Alec for something."

"Joshua's got it wrong," he said. "Nothin' to be upset about."

He heard Max step into the room and vaguely wondered why the concept of privacy seemed to be unheard of in Terminal City. Couldn't a guy be left to suffer in peace?

"So, you didn't tell him you were leaving Terminal City because of the way I treat you?"

Oh, God. What had Joshua said?

"Why?" he asked. "Would that bother you -- me movin' on?"

"You'd abandon your people?"

He still hadn't looked at her, but he just knew she was standing there with her arms crossed, probably tapping one booted foot on the floor.

"Typical," she added. "You running out on everyone. And just when I was beginning to think I might be able to count on you sometimes."

"Could you fit any more qualifiers into that sentence, Max," he asked, not trying to conceal the sarcasm. "I'm always the bad guy with you, aren't I? I'll never be anything else, not really. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I try to please--" Alec realized he was coming close to sounding pathetic and he stopped.

"Joshua swears you're in love with me."

That hit home. Alec turned over at last to glare up at the other X5. And then he did the only thing he could think to do -- he laughed in her face. "Boy, what has canine boy been smokin'? Was there a little pot party goin' on down in Mole's crib? Joshua's crazy. I don't love you, Max. Never have. Never will. I hate to disappoint you, but ya see, you're just not my type."

He thought his words would make her angry, drive her away. That was his intention. Instead, to his consternation, Max sat down on the edge of the mattress, perching there just like Joshua had a little while ago.

"What is your type, pretty boy?" she asked softly. "Let me guess. Blonde? Blue eyes? Flat chested? No hips? A real freedom fighter of a personality?"

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Max," Alec said quietly, surprised to find that her words offended him in more ways than one. "Leave Asha out of this. I told you -- nothing ever happened between us. And, besides, even if I was interested in her, I'd never act on it." He held Max's eyes with his own. "She'll live a lot longer that way, unlike some people I won't mention."

"Me and Logan are still none of your business," Max said, her voice suddenly as chilly as he felt. She looked away at the wall and sniffed. "Besides, it's not like you have to marry her."

"I don't sleep with my friends."

"Who do you sleep with? Strangers?

"Works for me," Alec quipped. He was beginning to feel sick again, and sweat was beading on his stubbled upper lip. Why didn't she just leave?

"You look like shit," Max commented, her tone softening, the words not unsympathetic. Like Joshua had done, she reached out and felt his forehead with her hand. Only this time Alec jerked away. "Don't ... touch ...me." The menace in his soft voice was unmistakable

"Sorry," Max said, her brown eyes reflecting an emotion he couldn't quite read. There was a long silence. "Logan's getting the Tryptophan first thing in the morning. You think you can hold out that long?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"We lost an X5 today."

"Joshua told me. Marty."

"Alec ..." Max's tone of voice had changed subtly, no longer accusatory but worried. "You had a bad round of seizures not so long ago. It's not good for you to be going through this again."

"I was hurt then," Alec defended himself. "And this time -- it can't be helped." Then he looked at her slyly. "Unless, of course, you've got something for me?" He realized he sounded like a junkie looking for a fix, but at this point he didn't really care. Max was right. He shouldn't be this bad, not after just two days off his meds. Tomorrow morning was an awfully long time away.

Max had the decency to look guilty. She obviously didn't want to play favorites, but-- "I need you, Alec," she said softly, taking a bottle of pills out of her pocket. "Joshua said you were bad, but I had no idea. You should have told me before you got so messed up again. Logan got me some Tryptophan yesterday."

"Again with the accusations," Alec said, but accepting the four tablets she shook into his hand, popping them into his mouth and swallowing them dry. He might be mad at her, but he wasn't a fool. "I just can't win with you, can I Max?" he continued after he'd forced them down. "If I'd come to you, I'm a complainer. When I don't tell you, I'm keepin' secrets. And you wonder why I might be leavin'."

"So it's true?"

Something in Max's words stopped the sharp reply on Alec's tongue. He could hurt her right now. Rarely had he sensed her so vulnerable.

"Do you want me to stay?" he asked softly. "Or do you want me to go?"

She didn't hesitate. "I want you to stay. I need you." She looked down at the bottle of Tryptophan still in her hand. "Hell, I care about you. You're my--"

If she says 'brother' I swear I'll--

"Family," she said, obviously seeing something in his eyes too. "You're one of the best we have, Alec."

"Fair enough," Alec said, mollified, and realizing she was probably giving him more credit than he deserved.

"So you'll stay?"

"I'll stay."

Max smiled then, brilliantly, in a way he'd only seen her smile at one other person before, and his heart beat faster. I'm not in love with her. I'm not in love with her. I'm not pussy whipped like Logan ...

She leaned down, and much to his surprise, placed a gentle kiss on his sweaty forehead, at the same time running her fingers softly back through his hair. "Sleep now," she said. "In the morning stop by Logan's. I'll save you a five hundred count bottle."

Alec nodded. She waited until he closed his eyes before leaving. And then he was dreaming again -- about someone who loved him -- never knowing that Joshua had returned to watch over and keep him safe for the rest of the night.

THE END