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Alec rode his bike back to Terminal City in a daze, feeling as if tonight had been some kind of horrible nightmare. He honestly didn't know which to hate himself for more -- the fact that in a moment of uncontrolled feral rage he'd almost raped Max, an act as brutal as anything his psycho brother Ben could have done; or the fact she'd let him make love to her at long last, and he'd still lost her to Logan Cale.

By the time he reached his quarters, Alec had laughingly decided the simple explanation for all of this was that he was going insane -- those flawed genes in his brain catching up to him at last. He couldn't think rationally any more. Before, when he'd been able to keep his emotional and physical distance from Max, he could handle knowing she'd never be his, relegating his desire to the back of his mind. But now that he'd been with her, Alec knew the proverbial genie couldn't be shoved back in the bottle.

He was hopelessly, madly, wildly in love with a woman he could never have -- and, truth be told, had been since the moment he'd first set eyes on her. He couldn't pretend otherwise any more -- not to himself, and not to the rest of the world. In a few brief minutes of passion, his facade had been stripped away and destroyed, leaving his emotions as naked as his loins had been an hour before.

There was only one course of action to take now -- other than suicide.

Joshua came in while he was packing a duffel bag. The dog man, as always intuitive where his friends were concerned, instantly realized something very bad had happened.

"Max and I had a big fight," Alec lied, wanting to clear the air and get out of TC as quickly as possible. "I screwed up and she said she can't trust me any more. She told me to get the hell out of Dodge, big fella." He plastered on a smile for the benefit of his friend, hoping Joshua wouldn't look into his eyes.

"Where's the Dodge?" Joshua asked innocently. "And why do you have to get out of a car?"

Alec laughed, as always caught by surprise at the euphemisms his friend didn't know. "It means I've got to get out of town," he explained, stuffing a couple more t-shirts into the bag. "As in out of Seattle. Max wants me gone."

"Max doesn't want you gone," Joshua said, sounding sincerely puzzled. "Max loves you."

"Ha!" Alec laughed bitterly before he could stop himself. He put a hand over his mouth to halt the angry words. "Max doesn't love me, big fella. She loves Logan. I'm just in the way."

"No," Joshua insisted. "Max loves you, too. Maybe not the same way as Logan, but if she didn't love you why would she have broken all the rules and saved you when you were sick with the comet dust?"

"What's that?" Alec asked, not understanding. "What are you talkin' about?"

Joshua hung his head, apparently realizing he'd just given away a secret. He shuffled his huge feet and sighed.

"Spill it, Josh," Alec commanded, hands on hips, realizing he was missing something big here.

"When Alec was sick, you were really bad -- so bad you were dying. Max wasn't supposed to give her blood to anyone. She'd promised Logan. But she broke that promise for you, Alec. She couldn't stand by and watch you die. Her blood saved you." He eyes Alec warily. "No one was supposed to know -- not even you."

Alec was beyond stunned -- to think that Max would have broken such a major rule just for him -- defied Logan. And this was what? The fifth time she'd literally saved his life?

"Oh, shit," he said, sitting down on the bed, the packing forgotten. "Double shit."

"You can't run away, Alec," Joshua said. "Max needs you here. She depends on you. We all depend on you. You're our leader now in Terminal City. Staying is the only way you'll ever be able to pay her back." The dog man stepped forward and rested a big hand on Alec's shoulder. "And Alec," he added, "I need you too. You're my friend ... my brother. I don't want to have to miss you like I do Isaac."

Alec could almost hear the sound of a steel trap door closing on his life. Damn, she had him -- by the heart and by the balls. There was no way he could leave, because, in love with Max or not, he owed the lady a huge debt, perhaps one so large it couldn't be paid off in a lifetime.

"You'll stay?" Joshua asked quietly, his hand still resting comfortingly on Alec's shoulder.

Alec reached up and placed his own hand over Joshua's. "I'll stay, big guy," he promised. "I'll stay until she doesn't need me any more." Even if it kills me.

*****

Making love with Logan that night after she went home to his apartment was one of the most difficult things Max had ever done. But she had to be absolutely certain that she still could. Of course, she'd showered beforehand, washing away his scent and fluids. But still, as the man she'd chosen lay between her legs, all she could think about was what had transpired in that decrepit, abandoned dining room high atop the Space Needle ... how that half hour with Alec had been the best sex of her life.

There was no way Logan could ever come close to comparing.

However, her relationship with Logan was based on far more than just sex, Max chided herself as she dressed the next morning and prepared to head back to Terminal City. Afterall, they'd gone nearly two years without "getting busy" and their love had only grown. Just because Alec had the potential to be her "Mr. Multiples" didn't mean he was better for her than Logan.

No. Max knew she had to forget last night had ever happened, just like she'd ordered Alec. Things had to go back to the way they'd been.

*****

Alec managed to avoid Max for the next week, going about his business during the day, managing Terminal City's supply line and helping the budding artists get fair deals on their work. He even attended another City Council meeting that was no more productive than the last, other than collecting a few more veiled threats from Juarez. At night he simply went back to his old ways -- finding a willing girl at one of the bars he frequented, going home with her (since he couldn't very well bring an ordinary into toxic TC), satisfying his sexual appetite, and then leaving, oftentimes without ever even knowing her name.

He knew the way he used women was borderline masturbation. It wasn't as if he ever felt anything when he was with them, other than the physical release. Even bedding Kade, a pretty X5 he knew from back at Manticore who gave the best blow jobs in the world, did little to stir his emotions. Of course the fact the X5 females in Terminal City were notoriously free minded when it came to their sex lives didn't help make permanent ties any easier. Most of them would sleep with any male at any time, provided he was alpha enough for their taste. Alec even lost out one evening when he was vying for Kade's companionship to a large-boned, heavy-muscled X5 from Lane and Zack's class. She'd told him she preferred her beef "extra meaty" that night, letting the insulting double entendre just lie there for him to ponder.

That was the only time Alec had actually paid for sex. It was late, and he was smarting from Kade's rejection. The blonde hooker he picked up in Sector 9 had charged 100 dollars and hadn't been worth even 10.

He was beginning to think he might have a problem. Alec had always laughed at the notion of sexual addiction, but he was too intelligent not to recognize that he was trying to drown his feelings for Max in the physicality of other women.

Sometimes, when he released, he even called out her name.

*****

Max and Logan were as happy as two peas in a pod -- or so everyone in Terminal City thought. Max still kept her own place (the one Alec had more than once hinted he'd like to have), but spent almost every night with her love, sleeping beside Logan in his bed the way she'd always dreamed.

It was several days before she even saw Alec again, although Joshua had assured her that 494 was around. She told herself that it had been a one time aberration on her part, that night on the Needle. Certainly Alec wouldn't have any problem moving on. She'd even heard Kade talking about Alec in a way that made it obvious she'd recently been intimate with him.

Max also told herself she wasn't jealous -- not at all -- told herself she was glad she wasn't involved with a tomcat who slept with a different woman each night. Logan was a much better choice, a man of sound principals and lofty ideals who wanted to make a difference in the world -- a man to look up to. Not an over-sexed, immature jerk like Alec who's self-centered, lying ways were always getting him into trouble.

Eight days after the storm, they ran into each other in Terminal City's media center -- Alec on his way to meet with a shady supplier down on the dock; Max on her way to a meeting with Detective Clemente who'd asked for her help with a case.

They spotted each other from opposite sides of the room, their eyes colliding. For the briefest of seconds, Alec smiled at her -- and then turned away before she could extinguish the light in her eyes the site of him ignited.

She used to look at Logan that way ... Used to. Max took a deep breath, and swore that someday she'd look at Logan that way again. All she had to do was put time and distance between herself and the obstacle in her life known as "Alec."