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This is a stand-alone story following the events of Max Allan Collins' DARK ANGEL novels SKIN GAME and AFTER THE DARK, and incorporating information revealed in D.A. Stern's THE EYES ONLY DOSSIER. -- author's note

Artwork courtesy of Valjean & JensenAckles.Org

*****

Artwork courtesy of Valjean & JensenAckles.Org

"What would you have done with her?" Max asked as they climbed the dark stairs of the Space Needle together.

"Done with who?" Alec asked.

"That blonde in the bar. What would you have done with her if I hadn't interrupted."

Alec grinned wickedly, teeth flashing white in the gloom. "Do you really need to ask?"

"No, really," Max pressed. "Would you have taken her back to your place for a one-night-stand?"

"Probably," Alec said cautiously, sensing a trap. "Only not my place. Girls find the whole bio-hazard thing about TC a turn off. We'd probably have gone to hers."

"What? Not simply use an alley?"

Alec gave her a look. "Jeez, you're as bad as Mole. I know you don't think highly of me, Max. But I really am a classier kind of guy than that. I might even have bought her dinner first."

"And then you'd have done the deed, and after she'd fallen asleep left her a little note on the pillow saying you'd call?"

"No note," Alec said. "Truth is, I'd have just left." He shrugged. "But girls like that don't expect anything more anyway. It's not like love 'em and leave 'em is a big deal."

"Sex with a stranger isn't a big deal?" Max said as they rounded the halfway point on the stairs.

"Not if you use a condom." He eyed her. "And it's not like both parties don't get what they bargained for. In a way, it's like a business deal. Now don't try'n tell me you only do it for true love, Max. I know how you get when you're in heat. You've done it with strangers as much as me, or at least you used to before you settled down with exo-boy."

"Don't call Logan that," Max said quietly.

"Sorry," Alec said, realizing he'd been thoughtless ... even cruel. He knew that deep down inside Max blamed herself for Logan being shot that day ... for the guy losing the use of his legs. In fact, he'd always secretly thought that was one of the reasons Max clung so tenaciously to a relationship that was so incredibly hard to make work. Guilt was a powerful persuader.

They emerged onto the roof of The Needle, both X5s walking sure-footedly down the metal to the edge where Alec dropped to sit Indian-style. Looking out over the night-time city, he had to admit the view was beautiful ... the lights ... the stars ... the ocean ... Clasping hands together, he tilted his head back, took a deep breath or relatively smog-free air, and closed his eyes, letting the warm summer breeze caress his face and hair like the woman he wasn't going to be with tonight.

"You seein' anyone in particular?" Max asked.

Alec's eyes snapped open and he stared at her, for a second thinking she was talking about his brief flash of fantasy. But then he realized she was asking about something less ephemeral.

"No," he drawled. "Why? You wanna fix me up with someone? Some lady-friend or relative of Logan's? Is that why you brought me up here? To try and talk me into a blind date?"

"Not at all," Max said softly. "You know, looking back at our relationship -- you and me -- I've got to wonder about something now."

"How you ended up with Logan instead of yours truly?" Alec said before he could stop himself. He bit his tongue, realizing that -- once again -- he sounded like an ass. God, it's like a disease ...

But oddly, Max didn't light into him. "You could have raped me that day at Manticore," she said quietly. "When you were sent to my cell to be my breeding partner."

Alec's thoughts went scrambling at the bizarre twist their conversation had just taken, but before he could speak, Max held up a hand. "You could have overpowered me and we both know it. But you didn't. I said no, and you backed right down. I'll admit, at first I thought it was because you were either a real wuss or you were gay. It didn't matter much to me which. I just wanted you gone."

"You thought I was a wuss because I didn't rape you?" Alec said, wanting to make sure he had this puzzling fact straight.

"Or gay," Max added.

"Max, maybe you didn't know it about me back then -- I hope you do now -- but I don't hurt women unless my life's at stake, a little fact that got me in real trouble with Manticore once but that's another story. I don't force myself on females. I like them too much to ever do that, and I want them to like me, not be afraid of me. Maybe with some guys it's about power and domination, but with me it's always been about the thrill of an honest chase and the reward at the end ... the pleasure, preferably mutual."

Alec shifted his legs, stretching them out in front of himself to ease cramped muscles. Max was looking at him as if she wanted him to continue the trip down memory lane, so he obliged. "Back then, at Manticore, I knew the second I saw the look on your face when I said we were supposed to copulate that you had zero interest in me. Hell, I'll admit the first thing I thought then was that you were probably a dike, which was fine with me -- a shame considerin' you had such a hot body ... but still fine. I mean, it's not like I had to look very far to score sex if I wanted to, and it's also not like I hadn't been turned down before. Manticore might have had a no fraternization rule, but we still used gang showers and the female X5s are all real lookers. It happened occasionally, which is why they'd kept us males -- at least the fertile ones -- on birth control pills until Renfro started her little breeding program. You're a beautiful woman, Max, but your looks aren't that unique or special in my world ... not even now. Hell, with my face and body I can get it anywhere, any time. We both can. It's a fact of our lives, and, truth be told, part of what Manticore designed us to do -- seduce."

Max seemed to not know whether she'd been complimented or insulted, and the expression on her face made Alec grin. His little egotistical confession had just taken the wind out of her highness' sails.

"I really just thought I'd scared you off," she said. "That day ..."

"That too," Alec agreed, nodding. "You're one hell of a bitch when you're pissed, Max, and not someone I particularly wanna cross or try 'n force into doin' anything." He glanced down ruefully at his crotch. "I've felt the physical pain of your wrath, remember?"

"You let me win that time, too," she said. "In the ring with the Mia and Dougie thing."

"Like I said," he replied gently, his voice growing husky. "I don't hurt women."

"And in Logan's apartment, back at the beginning?" she pressed.

Alec shrugged. "That time, I wanted to win, but not at the expense of your life. You'll notice I wasn't tryin' to kill you during our little altercation, just get you out of the way."

"I wasn't trying to kill you, either," Max confessed. "Although, when I look back on that day, I don't know why. I should have -- killed you. I never should have left you tied up with Logan ... alive. I should have known you'd get loose and possibly hurt him. Asha told me how she came in and you had your gun pointed at his head ..."

"I was a brother," Alec said. "And you were soft from livin' on the outside. Truth is, I wouldn't have left me alive either."

"But you could have killed Logan ... Asha too," Max said. "And you didn't. Why? Wasn't that Manticore protocol?"

"Killing Logan and a bystander wasn't the mission," Alec said, his voice cooling as he gave the excuse he'd become comfortable with ... the one that satisfied both his conscience and his obedience to Manticore orders ... the loophole. Truth was, he could no more have shot Asha at that moment than he could have raped Max in that cell. The other truth was that he honestly had thought Logan was a dead man from the virus -- no decision to make there other than not having to suffer through the sick feeling he always got when he had to pull the trigger and watch someone's head explode. He turned and looked at Max. "Is this what you brought me up here for? To reminisce about old times and old motives? Or are we playing twenty questions?"

"Why haven't you ever hit on me, Alec?" she asked. "I mean, after Manticore went down and you were free. You knew by then I wasn't a lesbian. Somehow it just seems out of character that you didn't want to chase me a little bit."

That grin again ... the one that, although Alec didn't know it, truly did have an affect on Max. "Are you sayin' you're miffed I don't flirt with you, Max?"

"No," she said quickly. "Not at all. It's just that I've sometimes wondered why you chase every other skirt on the planet but not mine."

"Aren't you forgetting something, Maxie?" he chided her.

She understood him. "Logan," she said nodding.

"You're already in love with another guy," the X5 who had suddenly become her confident said. "I don't steal other guys' girls."

"Which is why you were so rabid when you found out I'd lied to Logan and told him you and me were an item last spring ... when I was trying to break up with him."

"That was a cheap trick, Max," Alec said. "Not to mention a dirty one, on both of us. You used me, and you deceived him. It took me awhile to respect you again after that."

"But you do now ... respect me."

"Very much so," Alec said, meaning it. "But I also know you make mistakes. You're not so infallible as a lot of the TC folk seem to think you are."

Now it was Max's turn to give a little smile. "Which is why I'm secretly glad I've got you around to take me down a notch or two when I get too high and mighty and know-it-all on your ass."

She reached out, and to Alec's surprise, took his hand in hers. "You keep me real, Alec. You're the only one with guts enough to get in my face and tell me when I'm wrong. You'll probably never hear me say this again ... hell, I'll probably deny it later ... but I count on you more than you can ever know. I need you, Alec. I can't run Terminal City without you. And ... I also need you in my life."

He blinked at that, surprised not so much by her feelings for him (which he'd always pretty much known), but by Max's willingness to put that into words ... to tell him to his face ... All of a sudden Alec felt a little bit afraid, his empathy kicking in full force. Something was wrong.

Deciding he had nothing to lose, he took an intuitive leap. "Max, I'm not gonna be the rebound guy if you're breaking up with Logan. I resigned myself a long time ago that it would never be that way between you and me. If I'd wanted you that way I'd have eliminated the competition and made a run at you. There were times I could have, and you know it."

"You'd have killed Logan? If you'd wanted me?"

"If I'd been in love with you, yeah. I could get there. But I'm not in love with you, Max. I never have been. In case you haven't noticed, I've got a good bit of self esteem, at least most of the time. I don't want a woman who doesn't want me. Oh, I might joke about fallin' for the ones I can't have, and I'll admit there's been a moment or two when -- if you'd given me any encouragement at all and I was drunk enough -- I'd have dived between your legs without a moment's hesitation. And I'll also admit I'd still love to see you naked, fodder for fantasies and all. But so far as you and me ever becomin' a couple ... no way. I'm not a masochist, Max. X5 computability or not, you'd chew me up and spit me out, just like you've been doin' to Logan for the past three years. It's not a pretty sight, the way you've got that poor guy so whipped, and I'd never ever let myself be treated like that."

"You always said me and Logan wouldn't make it because he's an ordinary and I'm transgenic," Max pointed out.

"I always said that took the front seat," Alec corrected her, holding up a finger to emphasize his words. "I never said it was the only reason. You're a bitch, Max. A bitch to work with, a bitch to have as a friend, and I'm bettin' a bitch in bed. I want no part of that. I prefer the women I lay to be a little less feisty."

"Liar," she said softly. "Now who's making excuses? If you had the chance to have sex with me you wouldn't even bother taking off your pants before climbing between my legs. You'd just whip it out and go at it."

"You offering," Alec said levelly, hazel-green eyes suddenly intense and challenging in the moonlight.

"If I was, what would you say?"

Alec -- for just a moment -- considered her proposal, then he smirked, once again sensing a trap. She didn't name me smart alec for nothing. Climbing to his feet and dusting his hands off on his jeans he drawled, "And here's where I get off -- no pun intended -- hypothetically as well as physically. Nice try, Max. But I'm not bitin' tonight, or doin' anything else kinky with you either. So far as I'm concerned, you're still another guy's girl and therefore off limits."

"Alec--"

"You've never wanted me that way, Max," he sneered, getting tired of the game, and suddenly uncomfortably aware she was one of the few people in the world who could totally destroy him if he let her. Be careful ... a little voice in his head whispered. "And you don't want me that way now. Stop it. You're mad at Logan for some reason and so it's time to use your old bud Alec to make him jealous again. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt as they say." He planted hands on his hips and looked down at her with pity. "What we have is a friendship, Max ... a friendship believe it or not I've worked hard at all these years. I value that with you, and I'd never, ever mess it up simply for a one-night-stand. I can go back to Crash and find that blonde if I want my manly needs attended to. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, over and done. What I have with you, though ... it's for keeps ... a lifetime." He looked up at the stars overhead, shaking his head at the irony of it. "I'm surprised you don't realize that since you say you value me so much." Now it was his voice that had turned bitter.

"I do value you, Alec!" Max exclaimed, getting to her feet as well. "And I'm terrified of losing you, whether it's you leaving TC, or falling in love with another woman, or -- God forbid -- getting a bullet through that handsome stubborn pig head of yours." She took a deep breath. "It's not going to last with Logan. I know that now. And when it ends, I'm going to need someone."

"Not me," Alec said, backing way from her with both hands up. "I'm not the back burner guy, Max. I never have been. If I'd wanted you that way it would have happened a long time ago, believe me. There's a reason you and me have never ended up between the sheets. Yeah, sure, I get hard sometimes when I look at you, or think about you at night -- any man would -- but, like I said before, I'm not in love with you. I won't let myself be. You're too good a friend for me to let that happen."

"You'd have sex with me, but you won't love me? Is that what you're saying?" Max persisted.

Alec felt like a fish hooked on a terrible line, wriggling and thrashing ... trying in vain to get back in familiar water where he could swim free. He didn't know what to say ... how to appease Max without insulting her or worse, without giving in. It would be so easy right now to give in ...

"Come home with me, Alec," she said simply, holding out her hand to him. "I promise, we'll still be friends in the morning, but I need to know where we stand."

"I know where we stand, Max," he said desperately, backing up even more until he realized he was balancing right on the edge of the Space Needle roof with a thousand foot drop to nothingness below. In a way, it was a metaphor for how he felt right now with Max. "You say you're afraid of losing me if we don't have sex. Well, I'm afraid of losing you if we do. Can't you understand that?" He shook his head. "What the hell triggered all this anyway, Max? You and Logan have a big fight?"

"Something like that," she said quietly.

He waited, sensing more, just as he had that night in her apartment when she'd told him about killing Ben.

Max sighed heavily. "You might as well know. I stopped by Logan's place earlier tonight. Asha was there."

"So," Alec said, brows drawing down in a scowl as he took a couple of steps away from the edge onto firmer footing -- literally and figuratively. "Asha's in the S1W. She and Logan are together lots of times doin' his Eyes Only thing."

"She was in bed with him. Naked."

"Oh." That explained a lot, and also made him mad as hell -- both at Logan and at Max (although each for very different reasons). "So, you came to me to get revenge? Tit for tat, an eye for an eye, a fuck for a fuck?"

"It's not like that," Max protested, her eyes filling with tears again only this time he had no desire to comfort her. "I came to you because you're my best friend."

"I thought that honor went to O.C."

"My best guy friend. I needed a guy friend, Alec. Someone to make me feel ..." She couldn't seem to find the right word, but he had one for her.

"Slutty? So of course you thought of 'any bang for a buck' Alec?"

"No! You're making it sound so mean and dirty. I've considered you and me before, Alec."

"Oh really?" he mocked, eyebrows rising again. "'Cause that's news to me. You tellin' me you have midnight fantasies about X5-494 and 452 all revved up and bangin' the headboard? You tellin' me you think I could rock your world?"

"Sometimes ... yeah ..." Max replied levelly, getting her sniffles under control as she wiped her nose on the back of her jacket sleeve. "I've thought about it ... had dreams."

"Oh please!" Alec shouted, his sarcasm boiling. "And here all this time I thought I was just barely a knot on your friendship bracelet."

"You know what?" Max yelled right back. "This was a huge mistake, thinking you'd understand ... that I could talk to you about this."

"You're damn right it's a huge mistake! Max, I won't be the 'other man' no matter how much you try' n push me into that role. Now, I don't know about Logan and Asha, and frankly -- I don't care!" He threw his hands into the air. "That's your problem, not mine, sister, and I'm not gonna let you drag me into it!"

"Joshua always said you were complicated," Max replied in a far quieter tone of voice. "He's right. Go back to your blonde, Alec. Get a blow job or fuck her or whatever keeps you happy in that simple uncommitted little world you live in."

Artwork courtesy of Valjean & JensenAckles.Org

She turned her back on him for the second time that night. And, God help him, Alec couldn't just leave it there. She meant too much to him. Max was in trouble, and she'd come to him for help. He had to do something, even if it wasn't what she thought she wanted.

One of them had to stay sane.

"You said you valued the fact I wasn't afraid to tell you when you were wrong," he said loudly. "Is that true?"

Max had reached the door leading to the stairwell, but she stopped with her hand on the knob, head bowed.

"Do. You. Value. Me? My advice? What I think?"

"Some of the time," she whispered so softly only his transgenic hearing allowed him to hear the words.

"Do you want to know what I think now?"

"That I'm a slut?"

"Never," Alec said with equal quietness. his own eyes suddenly filling with tears as he saw how much he'd hurt her. Closing the distance between them, he wrapped warm strong arms around her trembling body from behind, hugging her close as he nuzzled her hair. "It's all right, Maxie. I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere no matter what happened between you and Logan. Just ... don't hurt me, okay? Don't ask for what I know I shouldn't give you ... what we shouldn't do, at least not at this point in our lives."

Alec didn't know why he'd added that last. The words had sprung from his tongue unbidden. It's not as if he'd ever truly thought he and Max could ever be a couple. It wasn't even something he wanted, nor did she -- not really. But they were in this for the long haul together, running their transgenic Terminal City world. Hell, they'd probably be spending the rest of their lives side-by-side ... die together someday ...

But Max, if you push me, I'm gonna hafta leave ... please don't make me leave ...

"You're right, Alec," she said.

And he felt as if an iron band had just been released from around his chest. He could breathe again. She was coming to her senses.

She tilted her head and looked up into his eyes, her lips less than an inch from his. "But don't you ever think about this?" she whispered. "About us?"

Alec knew he should be wary ... that she was still trying to seduce him ... Closing his eyes, he swallowed hard, and gave her a gift, his mouth brushing hers in the most chaste of kisses. But then he very firmly planted hands on Max's shoulders and set her away, his eyes now open, and full of apology, regret, and longing.

Maybe someday ...

She smiled at him then, a genuine emotion, and gently entwined her fingers with his as together they walked down the Space Needle stairs.

THE END